Today I felt the curve of the earth. The horizon bowed at my feet.
- -
“You see that?” The old man was talking, breaking the silence in which we had until then uncomfortably existed, amongst the smells of leaky exhaust and ancient leather. “That’s where you want to be.” I looked, but couldn’t see anything important. “Up there, boy! On the wire.” He pointed. “The birds?” I had no idea what he was talking about. The light turned green. “The ones on the wire.” There was a flock of birds in the median. Most of them were on the ground, pecking and eating and jumping – busily doing bird things. Some of them, about twenty or so, had perched high above the rest on a phone line. “That’s where you want to be,” he repeated, “up outta the shit. Up where you can breathe.” I looked at my grandfather – really looked at him – and for maybe the first time in my life I saw him as the person he was. Not as an occasional giver of money and interminable stories, but as a flesh-and-blood human man. A man who had scraped and fought his entire life to live in his own tiny house in the poor part of a town that had grown up around him. A man who should own the respect I had never thought to give him. A horn sounded behind us. “Grandpa? The light’s green.” “Ah shit,” he said, and stepped on the gas – too hard. The old truck lurched, stalled, and coughed to a stop. “Go around!” he yelled, waving his hand out the window. He laughed, and looked at me. “What was I talking about?” “Birds.” “Oh yeah.” He turned the key, the engine sputtered to life and we continued on. “Birds.”
We finished the drive in a very different kind of silence than the one in which we had started.
- -
Gravity’s weight had me defeated, and the core of the earth – I could feel its heat. -Attack in Black
When I started college in 2005, I did what a lot of people who start college do: I looked at a guitar and thought “Oh yeah. I’m gonna learn me some of that.” So I learned a couple of chords from my friend Rob and decided I was a musician.
Now, what I should have been doing had I been actually serious about learning a new instrument was actually focus on learning that instrument. Instead, I focused on writing lyrics to songs I would never record or sing – because I am not a good vocalist and while I practiced guitar long enough to develop calluses on my fingers, I did not practice long enough to learn more than three chords and definitely did not practice long enough to be able to sing and play at the same time.
But I did learn enough to transition between those three chords (It might even be four)! As you can hear in the following clip:
Why I am not rich and famous, I will never know.
So guitar was evidently not my thing, nor was it going to be. Not because I was unable to learn how to play, but because I lack the motivation and discipline to learn an instrument when there are things like video games and television in this world.
I am very good at playing video games and watching television. I would enter into a television-watching contest if there was such a thing. Maybe there is. Stay tuned.
In any case, I did continue to write lyrics to songs that would never exist. Poetry was kind of my thing the first two years of college. Maybe I was kind of angsty. Maybe it was being on my own for the first time in my life. Or maybe it was because I really liked writing poetry. Who knows? I eventually grew out of it.
Whatever the reason, I have decided to share some of this potentially embarrassing writing with you, my very few readers. Keep in mind that I was very heavily influenced by bands such as Something Corporate (& Jack’s Mannequin), Dashboard Confessional, Brand New, Zox, Linkin Park, Jimmy Eat World, Copeland, etc. Please don’t judge too harshly.
Keep in mind too that these were supposed to eventually turn into songs – my friend Rob had a good singing voice, and he was the one teaching me to play guitar. I (maybe even we) had dreams of becoming a famous singing/songwriting duo someday, which were probably crushed when I decided that playing video games was way more immediately gratifying. Anyway – to the embarrassing things!
CHILDREN OF THE NIGHT (Influence level: Linkin Park) (Embarrassment Level: HIGH)
Hiding in the shadows You are all the same Dancing in the moonlight Playing twisted games
Drawn towards the perilous Burning with desire Throwing caution to the wind You fuel the darkest fire
Children of the night You were angels, angels Come into the light And rewrite your life
Sometimes I imagine That you are just a dream Slinking, sliding, slithering You make me want to scream
Running blindly through the muck I’m giddy with the fright I curse the silence of the moon You trap me with delight
Children of the night You were angels, angels Come into the light And rewrite your life
Forgotten by society You shun the modern world Living in proximity Your words are never heard
Banished to the darkness Your pain just never ends Forgotten by your family And Hated by your friends
Children of the night You were angels, angels Come into the light And rewrite your life
Not trying to be normal Not trying to fit in Looking past the darkness To see the light within
Come inside to see All the things you’ll never be Look around and you will learn When your dreams begin to burn
You call yourself my friend But your laughter never ends You are laughing with my pain But your laughter is insane
Can’t you see that I’m about to snap? Helplessly I fall into your trap You twist my words so I can’t say a thing You bind my ears so I can’t hear you sing
I step so carefully On the surface of the sea Jump above and try to dive But I fall into the sky
Can’t you see that I’m about to snap? Helplessly I fall into your trap You twist my words so I can’t say a thing You bind my ears so I can’t hear you sing
I feel your sick delight In the darkness of the night You fooled me for so long Now I find I don’t belong
My life is caving in Around the places I have been Put my mind up on a shelf And please come save me from myself
SPARKS (Influence Level: Dashboard Confessional) (Embarrassment Level: Fairly low) Still one of my favorites.
The city whirls around me Fills my head to burst The sidewalk melts and I dive in headfirst
I wake up and I’m driving Your picture on my dash I see it and I smile for what we had
The radio sings to me sadness While the full moon shines in through the glass And I want to go to sleep so bad it hurts but first I need to be sure that you’ll be there
I pull into a dark house I never want to leave The hospital bracelet hides beneath my sleeve
My thoughts lie down beside me They whisper to my heart But I can’t change how everything’s my fault
The radio sings to me sadness While the full moon shines in through the glass And I want to go to sleep so bad it hurts but first I need to be sure that you’ll be there
The city whirled about me We were spinning in the street I could feel the sparks beneath my feet
The city whirled around you You were flying through the air The last thing I remember was the smell Moonlight on the flowers Was the sight Spinning in the street Of your hair
AMNESIAC (Influence Level: Jimmy Eat World & The Calling) (Embarrassment Level: None!)
Misty Monday morning You walked out of my door Memories are slipping What do we do this for?
Cry out for an answer Helpless futility Memories are slipping This life isn’t free
I picked it up and I tried To fake your brutality But the thing you never realized The answer was always me Cry yourself to sleep tonight Look inside and you will see Your strong guilt-free exterior Is breaking at the seams And the thought of me is haunting all your dreams
Feelings buried deep Locked away forever Memories are slipping Ties you tried to sever
Living on your own You are living all alone Memories are slipping What good have you done?
Look where we are now Did you know that it would end like this? Did you know we were bound to miss? Tangled in all this bliss Like this
You are wasting time You wasted all my life Memories are slipping It serves you right
So there you have it. Some embarrassing pieces of my past. Although those last two (Sparks and Amnesiac) I actually still like quite a lot. My previously-mentioned friend Rob actually sat down and recorded a rough take of Amnesiac with guitar and vocals that I think is pretty dang good considering it was recorded in one take sometime in 2006 on some kind of potato microphone. With a little polishing and practice I think it would sound awesome.
To leave you, here’s a video of that very recording with some doodle I doodled after he recorded it.
P.S. To double-leave you, here is a short poem that was actually published (front page!) in one of the Purdue Exponent’s student literary editions, so I was fairly puffed up for a few days after that.
THE BACK OF YOUR EYELIDS
What do you see on the back of your eyelids? What do you see in your dreams? Follow a road to the back of your mind Where nothing appears as it seems; Where your unspoken secrets are living their lives And only in sleep are they free. How can a question be answered with yes? How can we answer with no? Setting a price on the weight of the world Is like standing a candle in snow. And the melting puddles of our tired lives Will steam up to the stars and glow. Have you ever really looked out the window? Have you ever looked at the scene? We’re building a bridge to the end of the world Just to fall back into the sea. And everyone’s lives are one and the same The killer, the preacher, and me.
Let's talk about alcohol. More specifically, let's talk about what I would consider to be my first drink. Of alcohol. Of something alcoholic.
Excluding, of course, the occasional glass of champagne or limoncello at family gatherings, my first drink was a glass of Bloomington's own Oliver "soft red" wine after a calculus exam. I was twenty, which is a year younger than the legal age but several years after (I am sure) many of my peers. That first glass with friends turned into a game of wine shot glass checkers with friends, which turned into a pretty amusing walk back home.
Once I had discovered that having a few drinks was in most respects very excellent, I was all about trying new ones. I had my first shot of terrible vodka (unchased because chest hair) at a party with high school friends, first beer at a similar party, probably while playing beer pong. I did not really understand the dangerous potency of liquor though, and drank far too much of it on a couple of occasions. Learning to drink when the only people around you are college students is not a great idea.
Still, having a cold beer or a well-mixed cocktail with friends (especially in the summertime) is the best. Nowadays I prefer a nice cloudy wheat beer, though most will do in a pinch. Tequila, whether by itself or in a classic margarita is my liquor of choice, with bourbon right behind. To leave you, here are a couple of my favorite cocktail/drink recipes - if you are so inclined.
Grilled Pineapple margarita Made with mezcal rather than typical tequila, this is an amazing summer cocktail. Enjoy with friends, or drink the whole dang pitcher by yourself – preferably on a beach at sunset.
Mexican mule Tequila, ginger beer, lime. Great combination.
Old fashioned I prefer to use Woodford Reserve in my Old Fashioned, but Knob Creek or Jim Beam will do just fine.
In the fall of 2006, I was starting my sophomore year of college at Purdue. It was to be a very important year for me, in several different ways – and most of those ways hinged on a couple of very important classes.
I was clearly awesome. And hella skinny.
EDCI 205 (Exploring Teaching) and EDCI 285 (Multiculturalism & Education) are two required courses for education majors at Purdue. I believe 205 is the first early field experience education students participate in although I could definitely be wrong about that. 285 basically exists to make us aware as human beings (but mostly as teachers) that we will come into contact with many different types of people, and how all these cultures will mix together in different ways but we have to teach them anyway. Or something. It was a long time ago.
The important thing about these two classes in the fall of 2006 is that they were being taught by two friends, Bruce and Sybil, who decided that instead of teaching two separate classes of the same group of students, they would just teach their sections together. I’m not sure if it was the clear enjoyment of what they were doing they brought with them every day, the in-depth discussions about our field experiences, or the frequent debates which would inevitably erupt between Bruce and members of the class who didn’t totally agree with his point of view (always fun to watch), but that class has cemented itself in my college experience.
Of course, it’s also the class where I met Mike – who I soon found out was in the Crazy Monkeys, an improv comedy group I saw during my freshman year and for some reason thought to myself “yeah, I could do that” despite having done nothing like it ever before. Becoming good friends with Mike during our time in the 205/285 led to me auditioning for and becoming a new member of The Crazy Monkeys later that semester. It is completely fair to say that my life would be absolutely different than it is now had I not met Mike and made that decision to try out. Almost all of the friends I either regularly hang out with or stay in frequent contact with came from my time in the Crazy Monkeys. To say it was a major component of my college experience is an understatement. It defined who I was and who I would become in many parts of my life, and I am very grateful for the time I had with the group. Improv is still a huge part of my life, and I am not sure what would have replaced it had I never tried it out.
But wait! The 205/285 Mash-up Bruce & Sybil Variety Hour was also the class where Mary and I met each other, and through a mutual friendship with the aforementioned Mike, became close friends. Most of our time together was doing mutual friendship things, like getting McDonalds Happy Meals or going to see comedy shows on campus. It wasn’t until the spring semester that things got real real. Bruce announced at some point during the fall that he would be teaching a different class in the spring – EDCI 490 (the title was something like “Continuing Issues of Multicultural Education”) and that we were all welcome to take it – and that it could be worth graduate credit if we didn’t have an elective slot for it to fill.
So I decided to take that class – and so did Mary. And probably nothing would have happened between us at all but for one tiny thing that happened one day. Mike maintains that he had some kind of behind-the-scenes puppet master nonsense going on – which may have been part of it, admittedly. The catalyst for what would come next, however, came one day when I got to class and saw that Mary had sat in my seat. For whatever reason, we always sat with our desks in a circle in that class – I think Bruce liked having discussions better that way – and I always sat against the back wall near an audio cabinet. There was no real reason, it was just where I sat the first day and things like that have a way of staying.
Anyway, Mary was sitting in my seat. And I said “Hey, you sat in my seat!” And she said “So just sit next to me.” And I did. And so in February 2007 we were dating, in June 2008 we were engaged, in June 2009 we were married, and in August 2013 we had a son.
I’m not sure if the content of the classes was that memorable or had any profound effect on me as a person. The field experience was just visiting a school – and having been in school all my life, it was about what I expected. Learning about different cultures is always important, but not only was I attending a fairly diverse campus, I have been brought up to be a tolerant and accepting person (or so I like to think), so it was just reinforcement of what I already practice and believe.
What really made the 205/285 important for me was who I met and where they led me. Meeting Mike and Mary took my life where it needed to go, and I would have neither the friends nor the experiences that surround me now. I would be a completely different person, and I am not confident he would be the better for it.
All right. I know I’ve blogged about chili once or twice before. But my recipe for chili has gone through a few changes for the better. When I read that original recipe, posted long-ago, I shudder to think that someone might have read it and actually made that pot of muck. It’s not actually that bad, but there are some order and technique issues that I have since figured out and improved upon. As my wife said earlier tonight – my chili is a metaphor for my ascent into adulthood.
I am pretty sure she was kidding.
Anyway, I made chili tonight. It was excellent. I have leftovers if you want some.
YOU WILL NEED:
1 onion
1 green pepper
1 jalapeño
1 tbsp minced garlic
spices:
chili powder
cumin
garlic powder
garlic salt
oregano
thyme
dill
bay leaves
1 lb ground turkey
1 lb ground beef (85/15 or higher)
6 oz tomato paste
SPECIAL SPICES
ground chipotle pepper
cocoa powder
cinnamon
12 oz beer
2 (15 oz) cans diced tomatoes
1 (15 oz) can stewed tomatoes
1 (15 oz) can black beans
2 (15 oz) cans great northern beans
YOU WILL NEED TO:
1. Chopup the onion and peppers.
Use a jalapeno’s worth of canned slices if you don’t have a fresh pepper. No biggie. Try to get the dice fairly small, but not tiny. It all depends on how big you like the chunks of things in your chili. I’m okay with some chunk.
2. Combine them in a medium-to-large pot over medium-high heat with some cooking oil.
Add the minced garlic after a couple of minutes, when the onions and peppers start to soften. Let that cook for about five minutes, stirring fairly often.
3. Add the meat and spices.
Chunk the meat up and mix well with the onions and peppers. Liberally add spices to your heart’s content. Do not skimp on the chili powder and cumin. You can never have enough. I promise. Cover the lid and ignore that pot for about 5-6 minutes. Lift the lid and your meat will be cooked! Magic.
4. Add the tomato paste and SPECIAL SPICES.
I know a lot of people who use tomato sauce in their chili. They’re wrong. We’re not making minestrone here, people. Stir the tomato paste until it coats the meat, and now is when we add the special biz.
Add a good heaping tablespoon of cocoa powder (trust me), a good heaping tablespoon of cinnamon (I promise), and add a nice coating from one end of the pot to the other of the ground chipotle (zomg). OH YEAH. Stir that biz in.
Let it cook for a solid 5 or 6 minutes, still at medium-high heat. We want to cook off most of whatever liquid we have left and let the tomato paste get a nice toasted flavor.
You’ll smell it when it’s ready.
You’ll know.
5. Pour in the liquid gold.
Not Velveeta! I swear, if you put Velveeta in this - -
Pour in a can or bottle of whatever blue-ribbon-winning beer you happen to have on hand. It will help to de-glaze the bottom of the pot, and it will make your chili damn good. Put the lid on and let that cook down for around 15 or 20 minutes. Stir it during commercial breaks.
6. Tomatoes, Beans, and Bay
Add in your tomatoes, beans, and a bay leaf or two for your grandpa to find in his bowl. Stir it in, turn it down, and let it sit. Cook this for at least half an hour (more is better) on low heat. Stir it during commercial breaks, or when you get spawn-camped. I like to leave the lid cracked open so the steam can escape and the chili can reduce. The longer this cooks, the more liquid is released, and the better it tastes. What you’re eventually left with is a nice, thick chili with a smoky, deep flavor from the chipotle and chocolate – with a little spice kick from the cinnamon you won’t even consciously notice but will definitely appreciate.
7. Eat Dat Chili
Serve it up with some crackers, sour cream, and sharp cheddar. Eat like a king for a week.
I was trying to think of my favorite episode of my favorite TV show, and I couldn’t even decide what my favorite show was, much less my favorite episode. It has occurred to me that I like too many things. I can’t help it; I am constantly finding myself liking pretty much anything and everything. Food, movies, activities, music – I can usually enjoy whatever’s in front of me.
Except bananas. Super gross, people. Get over yourselves.
Here is a list of shows I like, with a little bit about my favorite episode(s) from each one.
FRIENDS Friends is a great show. I think a lot of people who don’t like Friends (or worse, nothing Friends) probably didn’t spend a large portion of their childhood watching it. We had the whole set on DVD, and I may have spent a Winter break or two marathoning it.
My all-time favorite episode of Friends has to be the one with Pheobe’s wedding. When I was a kid, I thought it was awesome. They got married outside! In the snow! And there were steel drums, which I was kind of obsessed with for a while. Besides, Paul Rudd plays one of the best recurring characters on the show – Crap Bag.
SCRUBS I was big into Scrubs for a while, but it kind of became a poster boy for shows that gasp on long after their expiration date – even though the last season was pretty great (but let’s be honest, it was a different show).
I have a tie for what were, I think, the best moments in Scrubs – the episode(s) dealing with Brendan Frasier’s character dying, and the episodes dealing with Dr. Cox losing several patients to Rabies-infested organ transplants. Scrubs was such a campy show much of the time, so the serious or sad episodes really stood out and allowed those characters to show emotions not often seen from that style of comedy.
MR. SHOW I will admit, I have not seen all or much of Mr. Show. But I have seen a few episodes, and my hands-down favorite is still the first one I ever saw – Season 1, Episode 2. Bits of it can drag – but I think you get that with most sketch shows. This episode is my favorite because it contains most of my favorite Mr. Show moments – Senator Tankerbell, “The Joke” musical, and that last Pit-Pat commercial is great. All it needs is F.F. Woodycooks!
PARKS AND RECREATION It is extremely difficult to choose my favorite Parks & Rec episode – partly because the storylines often last for several episodes, but mostly because the show is so great that specific moments don’t often stand out as being greater than any others.
But I think I would pick Season 3, Episode 16 – Lil’ Sebastian. An overall excellent episode, it’s nudged over the line by this amazing song. Listen to it. Get it stuck in your head.
COMMUNITY First, Community was a great show with an aimless last season. It felt like they didn’t really know what to do with it after the main characters graduated. But they had to graduate sometime right? It was weird.
But there were some seriously excellent single episodes that I enjoyed more than the rest. The season-finale paintball spoofisodes were always a lot of fun.
My favorite episode, however, is “Digital Estate Planning” – episode 20 from season 3. The cast members are put into a video game to help Pierce earn his inheritance. Or something. Anyway, it was cool.
CUTTHROAT KITCHEN Okay, this is not the kind of show I’m sure you would expect to find here. Alton Brown’s torture kitchen has a pretty standard format, so there’s not a huge amount of variation (apart from individual sabotages, which are usually pretty great).
But the best episode I’ve seen (and I think I’ve seen almost all of them) was a celebrity chef episode where they played for charity. It was heat three of this “Superstar Sabotage” series that lasted several episodes. This episode in particular is great just because of the final challenge. Eric Greenspan must out-lemon-bar Johnny Luzzini, one of the best pastry chefs in the country.
I don’t want to spoil it, but Eric starts the round with all $25,000. Johnny has $100. You can see how this turns out. Watch it to find out for sure.
THE WALKING DEAD The Walking Dead is a crazy good show. Based on the Walking Dead comics (which are also crazy good), it follows a group of survivors in a zombie-apocalyptic world.
I won’t go into too much detail, mainly because I don’t want to. There are too many great episodes to choose from, so I will just name my favorite storyline. I love what we see as we follow The Governor, one of the deadliest characters we meet in the show, after his failed first attempt at taking over the prison, our main characters’ stronghold (for a while).
It’s an excellent bit of character development (warning: link contains graphic content from the show) which ultimately ends in more tragedy – deviating as the show often does from the comics, while still fulfilling in some way those major plot points the readers expect from the show.
Side note, the show version of the governor is a much more nuanced and imposing character than the comic version, who didn’t last long at all. The casting choice of the 6’3” David Morrissey to play the role was smart, as his height alone makes him an authority figure. If you don’t watch The Walking Dead or read the comics, none of this will make sense, but maybe it will pique your interest. Great bit of storytelling.
ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT, MODERN FAMILY, PEEP SHOW These are some of my all-time favorite shows, but I can’t name a favorite episode. The storylines of Arrested Development and Modern Family often span multiple episodes or even seasons, making it impossible for me to pick a favorite. I have favorite moments from certain episodes, but as far as entire episodes go, I just can’t do it. Similarly for Peep Show – which is crammed full of hilarious moments and lines – I can’t pick out one episode that stands above the rest. These shows are just too all-around good for me to choose.
So there you have it. Some of the favorites from my favorites. Turned out way longer than I expected, but that’s the way it goes sometimes. Thanks for reading!
I had a music blog for a while. It was a Tumblr. I think I started it as just a way to share specific songs I liked with people, but it turned into kind of a song review project. In my recollection, it did not last long – but apparently it lasted almost exactly two years – from April 2010 to April 2012, after which I just stopped posting.
I probably would have kept it going, but it didn’t get much traction – there are a lot of zero play posts. And to be fair, I wasn’t a very active Tumblr user.
Still, it’s fun to go back and look at what I wrote. There are these forgotten corners – little pockets of the internet where I’ve left my mark. It’s exciting and a little sad to discover them. I had an MSN Live Space for a while, but I think that’s all gone. I wonder if my Myspace is still there, but I have forgotten my username (is Myspace even still a thing?).
It’s probably how I’ll feel in ten years when I find this blog. (Zing.)
Family often span multiple episodes or even seasons, making it impossible for me to pick a favorite. I have favorite moments from certain episodes, but as far as 
entire episodes go, I just can’t do it. Similarly for Peep Show – which is crammed full of hilarious moments and lines – I can’t pick out one episode that stands above the rest. These shows are just too all-around good for me to choose.